nothing new. still contemplating when i should go back to work. i've only used 14 days of my 60day leave. sa totoo lang, nahihiya ako sa office. i know ang tagal ko ng nawala and syempre, i need to tell them when im coming back pero sa totoo lang...nde ko alam kung kelan yun.
walang masyadong bago...ganun pa din. sykes picnic last saturday and of course nde ako pumunta. sayang...andun pa naman parokya ni edgar. hay.
kayo, anong bago?
20.6.05
its more than a week now...im semi close to doing regular things but no work for me yet. scary. when i go back to work, baka nde ko na alam mag-support! honestly, i dont want to go back to work anymore but i dont have any savings because for sure, it will take some time before i find a job that pays as good as my current job. im also looking for a 9am-6pm job. gusto ko na ulit regular life.
i still feel sad specially pag mag-isa lang ako. im trying to stay away from reading mags, going to malls, watching too much TV kasi everytime i see a pregnant woman...naaalala ko lang what happened. i know i should face it and accept what happened pero nakakalungkot pa rin eh. eventually, this will pass but for now, i just dont want to be reminded.
my friends visited me. most of them texted and called. not so many people...err...not all my friends (specially my barkada since highschool) knows about my being pregnant so they were really all shocked by what happened. the more i talk about it with them, the less the pain is.
its just so hard to accept why these things happen. they said that there's a reason for this but what exactly is it?
i still feel sad specially pag mag-isa lang ako. im trying to stay away from reading mags, going to malls, watching too much TV kasi everytime i see a pregnant woman...naaalala ko lang what happened. i know i should face it and accept what happened pero nakakalungkot pa rin eh. eventually, this will pass but for now, i just dont want to be reminded.
my friends visited me. most of them texted and called. not so many people...err...not all my friends (specially my barkada since highschool) knows about my being pregnant so they were really all shocked by what happened. the more i talk about it with them, the less the pain is.
its just so hard to accept why these things happen. they said that there's a reason for this but what exactly is it?
13.6.05
ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. just last april, we were celebrating because God gave me the chance to have a child but now...all that is gone and even if almost a week passed already, i can still feel the pain and cant help but cry everytime i remember my little angel
last thursday, my brown spotting changed to red. that afternoon, i went to my OB's clinic. pati sya worried na and not very hopeful coz red na yun blood. she had with her this portable ultrasound device which she uses to listen to the baby's heartbeat. she didnt hear any. she advised that i immediately get an ultrasound. i called bart and asked him to go to the clinic ASAP. when he got there, i didnt get an ultrasound anymore. we went directly to the hospital. my OB called ahead and so the people there were expecting me na. was brought to the emergency room and everything happened so fast. basta na-feel ko yung super sakit na contractions and when i went to take a pee, two big blood came out. i was then brought to the operating room for a D&C. i entered the OR at 10pm and was out of the recovery room 1am the following day. when i was brought to my room, wala na ko nagawa but to cry.
sobrang sakit ng feeling ng mawala sya. i was really looking forward to this christmas coz i was thinking by then nakalabas na yung baby ko but unfortunately, nawala sya. i cannot explain the pain that i am feeling right now. i just wish that God will still bless me and give me another chance in the future to have a baby. i promise to take very good care of it.
i have to thank God na rin coz walang masamang nangyari sa kin. thanks to my friends who went to the hospital.
last thursday, my brown spotting changed to red. that afternoon, i went to my OB's clinic. pati sya worried na and not very hopeful coz red na yun blood. she had with her this portable ultrasound device which she uses to listen to the baby's heartbeat. she didnt hear any. she advised that i immediately get an ultrasound. i called bart and asked him to go to the clinic ASAP. when he got there, i didnt get an ultrasound anymore. we went directly to the hospital. my OB called ahead and so the people there were expecting me na. was brought to the emergency room and everything happened so fast. basta na-feel ko yung super sakit na contractions and when i went to take a pee, two big blood came out. i was then brought to the operating room for a D&C. i entered the OR at 10pm and was out of the recovery room 1am the following day. when i was brought to my room, wala na ko nagawa but to cry.
sobrang sakit ng feeling ng mawala sya. i was really looking forward to this christmas coz i was thinking by then nakalabas na yung baby ko but unfortunately, nawala sya. i cannot explain the pain that i am feeling right now. i just wish that God will still bless me and give me another chance in the future to have a baby. i promise to take very good care of it.
i have to thank God na rin coz walang masamang nangyari sa kin. thanks to my friends who went to the hospital.
7.6.05
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