i am depressed beyond grief. worried and i dont know how to face each day. there's so many things going on right now and it seems like there's no way that i can get out of the hole that im in right now. many people said that life's a wheel. you can never be always at the bottom. you're bound to be up there.

if that is true, then i'd like to complain that the wheel moved so slow when i was at the bottom and too fast when i was on top. i only experieced short moment of joy and long periods of being down.

i know we are responsible for our own happiness but i can't find mine right now. it's weird to have these feelings and i wish that i could turn back the clock...even for just a couple of months. it would make a big difference.

but i can't. i have to live with the compounded mistakes i've made. there's no turning back now. all i can do is try to make something out of nothing. i pray for His guidance. i am very thankful that i live to see each day but it also pains me to be in such situation.

i dont know how long i should carry this burden. i promise myself to do something about it and i will...